natural self

We would all agree that babies are their best selves. They are their natural selves. A baby knows exactly what he wants and doesn't want and lets it be known. As that baby matures, he learns what pleases and displeases those around him; he begins to change. He begins to develop a social self, a self that is more accepted by important others. He learns that some of his natural tendencies and characteristics are not only not appreciated, but also sometimes disdained. If you watch a baby develop into childhood, you can see the socialization process taking hold.

To a degree, that process is necessary to enable us to live amenably with one another. In an ideal world, children would be taught how to get along well in this world while, at the same time, having their natural selves honored and esteemed. In an ideal world, children would stay connected with their natural selves while developing social skills. Unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. Sometimes, more often than not, the socialization process goes awry and children lose part or all of the connection to their natural selves.

This loss of connection can happen in many ways ranging from as small as thoughtless comments by well meaning others to as large as child abuse. It also depends on the persons' level of sensitivity. Some people, about 20% of us, are born with the natural characteristic of high sensitivity. For a highly sensitive person, it may only take one careless remark to wound him so deeply that he loses the connection.

Many people who have lost the connection to their natural selves describe it as an empty feeling, as though there is a hole in the middle of their stomach. They may try to fill this hole with other things like substances such as alcohol, drugs or food or by romantic relationships or with material things. None of that fills the emptiness. That hole can only be filled by one thing -- reconnecting with the natural self.

Sharon L. Demarte